Saturday was a night for destruction, and the Night of Destruction in Irwindale was the place for Yobo, Staci and me. But I didn’t know just how personally it would hit me.

We agreed to meet up at Yobo’s in Silverlake at 5:30. Before I leave my place at 4:30, I decide to check my mail. In my hands are my phone, iPod, water bottle and keys. One piece of mail looked like it was urgent, so I decided to open the letter while walking. And right there my phone slipped out of my hands and hit the sidewalk.

Crack.

Fuck.

*sigh* Fine. I can deal with a crack in the glass. It’s no big deal. It sucks, but I can’t really cry over something that was caused by my own idiocy. Sure it’s a Galaxy S7, but whatever. Those sorts of things don’t bother me too much.

I get in my car and get ready to text Yobo saying I’m on my way when

…

The phone won’t turn on.

FUCK!!!!

This means I need to get a new phone, and I’m going to be late meeting up with them. But of course I can’t text them to let them know I’m late.

Fuck.

First things first, must go to the Verizon store to get new phone. After 45 minutes, I get in my car with a Galaxy S8. All in all things could have been worse.

It’s just before 7 by the time we get to Irwindale which is when the festivities start — so we made it on time while I spent most of the car ride over there downloading and installing my apps.

It’s amazing that in my nearly 40 years on this earth, I have never been to anything like this despite my redneck heritage. What I imagined were a bunch of monster trucks running over cars, fire-breathing metal dinosaurs destroying everything in their paths. But here what I got were a bunch of mainly motorcycle races climaxing with an exhilarating destructive trailer race.

The one race that was really compelling was the figure-eight race which went as you could imagine it went.

After a Demolition Race where a bunch of cars just rammed into each other until one car was left running, there was the trailer race. Here are the participants before the race started:

You can see that the cars were towing boats, campers and even jets skis.

Here is what things looked like about 3/4 of the way through it:

Though it was quite as destructive as I wanted, it was still fun nonetheless.

Afterwards we went to Glendora to Donut Man for the delectable strawberry donut. It’s shocking both Yobo and Staci had never been. But it was great, and that little bit of sweetness was nice to balance the destruction.

Everyone knows how I’m a sucker for arms, muscly arms, arms that would choke me to death if they so choose. On the first day at the old/new job, there is a muscly Asian boy who took my breath away. I’m sure the folks at the other end of the building could have heard my gasp, a most necessary one or else I probably would have fell over from my chair onto the floor in a hyperventilating mess.

By the title of this post, you might think that looking at him gave me an erection, but alas no. I don’t think that has ever happened to me. So this lad unfortunately never gave me a hardon. But had this happened, it certainly would have been deflated by what I witnessed in the bathroom one morning.

I was in there to take a piss (which happens quite frequently since I take a water pill for my blood pressure.) And by the sink was this lad futzing around with his hair. In the time it took for me to unbuckle my belt, unbutton and unzip my pants, take my dick out, release my urine, shake so that urine doesn’t drip in my pants, tuck my underwear back over my dick, rebutton and rezip my pants, buckle my belt, the lad was still there at the sink still futzing with his hair.

And in my mind, my eyes rolled so far that they fell out of the sockets and got stuck under the urinals. Of course guys with muscles like that are quite vain, that shouldn’t surprise me. But it really is disappointing to see the vanity in all its glory.

So now I see him around the office, and I can’t help but sigh.

Most days I wake up stupidly thinking and hoping that it will be a good day until minutes later realizing that this is life — MY life, after all — and reality crashes upon my illusions I become disheartened then go about the motions of getting through with my day.

But yesterday wasn’t like that. I woke up and instantly knew it was going to be a shit day.

Friday night, Madd texted me wanting to go to the Brewery Art Walk on Saturday. Since I know hours of ignoring the world and sitting on the couch watching reruns of Golden Girls, Roseanne and Mama’s Family on Logo is not the healthiest way of spending a weekend, I agreed to go.

But when I woke up on Saturday, I had no energy. I felt completely sapped and drained for some unknown reason. Later in the morning I asked Madd what time she wanted to meet up hoping that she would say her back was still bothering her and that she would cancel. Unfortunately she said she wanted to meet at 2. Alas.

I really was lying on the couch doing my best impression of The Grandmother, and just as I started to nod off I realized it was time to take off. Fuck. I put on clothes, and this is what I looked like:

By the time I reached Madd’s place, I was still drained. Much to my pleasure, Madd was also just as drained so we nixed the Art Walk. But I knew that it was Independent Bookstore Day or something contrived like that, so I did want to go out to Los Feliz to visit my favorite bookstore Skylight Books.

However on the way from Madd’s Mid-City apartment to Los Feliz, we passed by Kim’s Home Center in Koreatown and I realized I needed to get some home-things: drain catchers, a scrubby washcloth, some food storage containers. I did not buy these huge jumbo nipple clamps, though.

Then it was off to Skylight books where they had a veggie platter and cookie tray to celebrate this Independent Bookstore Day. There were quite a few people there, and I bought these books:

A quick jaunt to En Sushi was in order since Madd was starving. She got a mango albacore poke bowl while I got the Hama roll (yellowtail, avacado, chives and cilantro) and some veggie tempura. Then back to Koreatown because we wanted to get red bean shaved ice as the sun was setting.

Then I remembered I should really buy a replacement to my four-year old Converses that are on its last legs. So off to the cheapy Warehouse Shoe Sale to get a pair of black pleather Converse hi-tops for under $50.

What a strange day in that it started out dreadful (in the most literal sense of the word — I was full of dread) and ended up being quite pleasant.

Some people really need to be hit. Hard. 

I overheard the following conversation in the kitchen yesterday:

Dickhole: I find cooking to be quite therapeutic, but I hate the logistics of it. 

Friend of Dickhole: What do you mean? 

Dickhole: I hate grocery shopping. I hate pushing the cart and having to decide what I need to buy. I’d love cooking if someone could do the shopping for me. 

Like I said, some people need to be smacked. 

My main reason to take Metro was so that I wouldn’t be annoyed while the rest of LA is stuck in traffic. I found out today that even on the train there is traffic to deal with. 

In DTLA, the Blue Line and Expo Line share tracks which is causing a huge clusterfuck during rush hour.  Coming home it took 20 minutes just to travel through three stops. 

Still, it beats having to sit in my car and having to focus on traffic for 1-2 hours.

Today was the first day of the old/new job, which for silly legal reasons will be referred to as the old/new job even though everyone knows what company I am talking about. 

It was also the first day of the new commute which was bearable since I took the train. Because I’m getting on board near the start of the line, getting a seat was fairly painless. 

All in all, the first day wasn’t bad at all. I dare say it was even pleasant. All I did was get acquainted with the different software they use since it’s completely different from the last time I was there five years ago. 

There is also some little white girl whose signature file says, “Namaste.” I really want to meet this bitch and smack her. How fucking insufferable. 

What was really nice was meeting up with Madd after work and getting dinner in Culver City. Sure, I’m typing this on my phone while on the train home. But all in all, it was a good day. 

My mind is a lot more settled today. The only thing left up in the air is my start date, which I’m hoping isn’t some elaborate April Fool’s prank.

But enough about that for now. Last week the FYF Fest released the lineup for this year’s festival, and those headliners immediately grabbed me. I have never seen them live in concert. Add to that A Tribe Called Quest, Erykah Badu, Iggy Pop, Slowdive, Blonde Redhead, Arca, the Faint and Perfume Genius? Maybe I would consider going.

Talking with Madd on Sunday, I recounted to her my experience at FYF Fest back in 2012. The more I thought about it, the more I discouraged myself from going. I really don’t think I could deal with roaming around outside in Exposition Park in the middle of the summer. It was taxing enough five years ago, I can only imagine how it would go this time around.

Now one festival I am looking forward to is the Das Bunker 21st anniversary festival. For one, it will be inside. And since it will be in early October it will be a tossup whether it will be cool or pubic hair scorchingly hot. Even though they haven’t released their lineup, based on last year (VNV Nation, Apoptygma Berzerk, Aesthetic Perfection, Solve, Kanga, Covenant, Legendary Pink Dots and more and more), I’m sure this year’s will be just as good. I can already imagine 3Teeth and Mr. Kitty as a part of the line up.

Of course I might just sequester myself at home and be completely agoraphobic while watching old movies on the Teevee and have just as good time.

I’m in limbo right now. I basically have a new job, but we are in the process of salary negotiations. Late yesterday afternoon, my new prospective employer asked me questions about my optimal start date and optimal salary. I replied and still haven’t heard back from them, and it’s making me nervous. Did I answer the questions incorrectly? Was I being so outrageous that there’s no way they can see nay negotiating room? Did I fuck this up and am now forced to stay in the current hell of a job for eternity?

This is why I don’t like haggling.

Of course I realize that as I’m writing this in the 8:00 hour way before anyone would be at work in that company, so this battle is a war I’m waging against myself.

It’s weird to be in this state of limbo though. I know for all intents and purposes that I have the job. I know that at some point I have to give my notice at this job. That thought is keeping me buoyant even though I am dead tired and needed the alarm to wake me up. But that anxiety I mentioned above is also simmering in there, so I’m not completely floating in the air.

Edit: In the late afternoon, a salary had been agreed to. So all my anxiety was all for naught, I suppose. Now, I’m only waiting to see when they want me to start. Watch it’s all a practical joke and they say my start date is April 8, 20never. MWA!!!!!

Okay. Time for normalcy to return, whatever that means. So no more weekday afternoons off, no more lazing around like I really want to do while watching reruns of old game shows like “What’s My Line” and “Match Game” and “To Tell the Truth.”

Although this morning as I’m thinking this, things got turned upside down in the afternoon. There will be a change which will actually be a blast from the past. That’s about as much as I want to go into it here. But change is in the air, and I’m actually quite excited about it.

Last night I had a dream that I was at the supermarket, but there was a line of people at the Lotto machine waiting to purchase tickets. Since I almost never have cash on me I wasn’t able to buy tickets, so I went over dejectedly to the checkout aisle to pay for my groceries. I don’t know why I remember this.

I’ve been having trouble sleeping through the night lately, so each time I wake in the middle of the night I put on an episode of “Daria” to help me get back to sleep.

On Saturday I decided to start the day with a little hike in Forrestal. It’s amazing to see how much the flora have grown. At the entrance what is usually brown shrubs that are patchy at best, you see this:

These flowers are taller than me.

I didn’t see any snakes today, but this time more flowers have started to bloom. Rather than just the brush sunflowers, there were also plenty of Catalina lilies and Indian paintbrushes bloom everywhere.

After getting sweaty and tired and realizing how out of shape I am, I go home and eat a Subway roasted chicken sub (not pictured.)

That night, Cathi, Tyson, Ben and Emma took me out for steak and cake. Rather than go to our usual haunt of Damon’s in Glendale, we go to the Bull Pen in Redondo since everyone loved it when we went last year. I had a prime rib with baked potato, and no pictures were taken because if you don’t know what that looks like, I feel concerned for you.

We go back to my place for cake and games. Eventually it was Emma’s bedtime (since she is 5), so they all went home. I then go out to Bar Mattachine with Daniel and Staci. I have two Manhattans and a Tuxedo #2 (gin, maraschino and absinthe.)

Here is Daniel:

Here is Staci pretending to be angry at me while I pretend to pout:

There were a couple of very drunk girls that we witnessed. One exposed her crack for the world to see. Another tried to sit on a set of velvet ropes only to realize that gravity isn’t very kind.

We closed the bar, went to Astro’s, then I got home at 4 am.

On Sunday I wake up at 7:30, get upset, turn on Daria, go back to sleep and wake up at 9:30. I go to brunch with Madd where I have this Bloody Mary at Maggiano’s:

Here is me with my Italian sausage brunch:

We walked around the Grove and Farmer’s Market. I got marzipan. Several people also compliment me on my Siouxsie tee. I go home at 6. Go to Trader Joe’s. Go to sleep.

This morning I unfortunately have to go into work to process payroll for our warehouse workers. I leave at 9:30, come home, do laundry and do nothing all day.

It’s been a better than expected birthday.