jimmy

When one thinks of a beach city, one thinks of a flat strip of land that ends with a strip of sand and water. A nice ocean breeze cools everything, and everyone is laid back and happy.

San Pedro is a strange place. It’s very hilly and ends in cliffs on the south side and the harbor on the east side. As you see in the picture to the left, it’s foggy. This is at White Point Nature Preserve right where Paseo Del Mar fell into the Pacific Ocean over a year ago. As you can see crews are working on trying to rebuild Paseo Del Mar it seems.

I live a mere 4 miles away, yet I don’t get any fog. As the fog comes in from the west, I’m blocked out thanks to San Pedro Hill aka Palos Verdes. To the south there are several hills between me and the ocean. Instant, presto, no fog! Also when it gets warm in Southern California, thanks to all the shielding we get temperatures similar to the Valley.

There is a good side to this. Being so close to a tsunami evacuation zone, on the ever so slight chance one comes around our way, being about 300 feet in elevation means not having to worry about being flooded. Then again, it also means living on an island for a bit. Hmph. Maybe I haven’t thought this out as thoroughly as I need to.

After not being able to walk at Christmas that left parts of my left leg and left foot numb, after a two-week roadie where I ate a lot of fried foods and after getting hit with a slight chest cold, I decided today was the day to get out into nature and take a hike at one of my favorite hiking places: Portuguese Bend Nature Preserve.

I don’t know why I like it so much. Perhaps it’s because it’s an active landslide area. But there’s no doubt it has some gorgeous vistas. I mean look at the picture above, the little mountains of Catalina Island peeking over the fog bank.

I’ve done the hike here two different ways. The way I did it today was parking at the top of the hill right where Crenshaw Blvd. ends and started the descent. Since I really haven’t done anything too strenuous in months and I’ve turned into a Fatty Fat McFat Fatty, I decided to do this easier route. Of course the big downfall is you end the hike going up.

I was a little too eager and went down a little too far, so coming back up what with my partially numb left foot and pounds of fat it was a bit of a strain to make it back to my car.

The other way I’ve done it is park at the adjacent Forrestal Reserve off of Palos Verdes Drive South and hiked into the Portuguese Bend Reserve. It’s a bit more strenuous, but it’s tons of fun.

With the mercury breaking the 80-degree mark, a lot of people decided to make it out there. There was a group of six shirtless dudes who brought out their own club mix for all to enjoy. I couldn’t tell whether they were European, gay or both.

Then there was this hulk of a guy in his 20s who was hiking down as I was walking back up near the trail head. Let’s name him Brock.

Brock has the build of either an outside linebacker or an offensive left guard. He was wearing black runner’s shorts and a backpack. As he walked by I got a whiff of him, and damned if I didn’t want to get on my knees right there and eat out his asshole as I moaned his name, “Brock,” deep into the crevasse of his ass.

Did I ever mention that day hikes get me horny?

Okay, I admit it. I do like going up to people when I pick out a nice pear to eat and go, “Look! An Oh Pear!” It makes me giggle to no end.

It’s almost like another joke I love to tell. What is the sound of a water truck colliding with a vinegar truck? DOUCHE! Well, you have to see me tell it.

When I was little I read this joke from a stupid joke book: an American, a Brit and a Russian are on a plane that’s on fire. There are no parachutes. In a moment of desperation the American decides to jump out of the plane. He screams out, “God save me,” jumps out and lands on a haystack. The Brit sees this and decides to the same thing. He too lands on a haystack.

The Russian is giddy with excitement knowing he will also be saved. Unfortunately there was the matter of his accent. He screamed out, “God shave me!” The Russian landed on a barber’s chair.

See? Stupid. But it tickles me to no end.

I park my car blocks away from STAPLES Center and schlep my bloated bag of bones and fat and water over to the arena on foot. As I walk down 11th Street towards to the arena, I come upon this interesting place. For years it was nothing, just a vacant storefront. But as the hockey season started up again, I noticed this.

It’s not open all the time, but when it is it’s a coffeehouse complete with the new pretentious drip drop bullshit a la Intelligentsia. Come to find out it’s a pop-up shop for Cafe Dulce although I’m still unconvinced.

I’ll walk by and the people running the store are speaking in hushed tones in Korean while smoking a cigarette. When I walked by Saturday night, it sounded like a party was going on inside although the gates were closed. So I’m 100% convinced this is a Korean drug front. For what, exactly, I don’t know.

Here’s a photo of the other side of the store front.

Regardless what it really is, I think it’s pretty cool.

Am I the only person who’s addicted to this game? It’s perfect for me. I only have to play it for 2 or 3 minutes chunks of time, it’s really kind of pointless and it requires no skill. If that ain’t perfection, I don’t know what is.

The junior Senator from Kentucky Rand Paul, Republican, is filibustering the nomination of John Brennan as director of the CIA. His bone of contention is the Obama administration’s legal justification of using drone strikes against American citizens both overseas and domestically.

I never EVER thought I would ever agree with Senator Paul about anything, especially since he was elected as part of the dreaded Tea Party Express. But I applaud him for his stance.

“I am here to filibuster John Brennan’s nomination to be director of the CIA,” Sen. Paul proclaimed. “I will speak for as long as it takes.”

I am 100% against the use of drone strikes against American citizens. But something about this filibuster makes me feel a little dirty.

The reason is clear. He called upon some of the biggest dickheads in the Senate, Sens. Ted Cruz (TX), Marco Rubio (FL), Saxby Chambliss (GA). Sen. Rubio, trying to show that he isn’t as stiff as an oversized dildo, joked with Sen. Paul telling him to be sure he has plenty of water on hand during his filibuster.

I believe that Sen. Paul would have done this had Bush 43 been president, but what about Rubio, Chambliss, Cruz? Some of the republicans are leeches doing anything to obstruct government just because Obama is the president. After all, a lot of republicans sure loved Bush and gave him over-reaching powers.

My question is where are the democrats? Democrat Senator from Oregon Ron Wyden joined in, but where is Senator Boxer? Senator Durbin? Senator Franken? Senator Landrieu? I know they were opposed to Bush’s use of torture. Where are they now on killing American citizens without due process?

It makes me sick that our government is ruled by the parties and not by ideals. The government shouldn’t murder people. We should help out our fellow man (isn’t that written in the Bible or something?)

Yes I’m glad this filibuster is happening. But boy do I feel dirty watching some of the biggest dickheads in the Senate doing my bidding so to speak.

I will not apologize to those from Seattle, those from Turkey, France, Italy or nothing. The best coffee you can get comes from Baton Rouge: Community Coffee. While they import their beans from Brazil, they roast the beans right there in Baton Rouge. They even have coffee-chicory blends that are pretty damn good.

The coffee is strong but not bitter. Even when it gets lukewarm it goes down smooth. I know people out here love the pretension that is Intelligentsia and all of the other snooty thumb-up-their-ass coffee places that have sprung out all over Hipstervilles. But fuck that. Just brew some of this Community Coffee and knock your socks plum off your feet. Trust me. The only vice I have left in my life is coffee, so I know me some good coffee.

When I went back to the town I grew up, Zachary, I just had to go to Winn Dixie and buy me some of the coffee. It’s only sold in stores in the South, so us Yankees are missing out. Thankfully I can order on their website, so I won’t be 100% deprived.

Yesterday Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez died at the age of 58. Today Paul Bearer aka William Moody died at the age of 58. Coincidence?

The last hockey game I attended and covered was on Jan. 31. With the Kings on the Grammy road trip and my own road trip, it’s been over a month since I’ve watched a hockey game live.

It’s nice to be back.

There is an adjustment to coming home from a vacation, but none more so than when you go on a road trip. On a normal trip you just fly to your destination, do some activity, rest up before dinner, have a night time activity and call it a day. But on a road trip you wake up, drive for hours on end. You stop at places that seem interesting in the middle of nowhere. Eventually you check into a motel at night and go to sleep.

It’s a life of mobility and freedom.

Back in 1994 my cousin Aaron, his brother Terry, our Uncle Alex and his wife Jill and I went on a road trip all through the Southwest. To Vegas, an unexpected stop in Kingman, AZ because of a busted air conditioner in the car, Grand Canyon, Bryce Canyon, Dinosaur Monument in Colorado, Reno, San Francisco and back home. It was a great trip, and Aaron and I had fond memories of that trip.

It was an easy sell when I told Aaron back in Thanksgiving that I wanted to visit my father’s grave since I hadn’t been back there since my mom and I buried him in 1997. He agreed immediately.

There were some constraints in the trip. I wanted to get to Baton Rouge as quickly as possible without having to drive nonstop. I wanted to stay in Baton Rouge for several days and then New Orleans for several days more. Then after that it would be a free-for-all in trying to get back to Los Angeles.

Here were the highlights:

• Buc-Ee’s. There are not enough words about this place. With locations all over Texas, Buc-Ee’s has a great hilarious billboard campaign. “Top two reasons to stop at Buc-Ee’s: #1 and #2.” See? It’s part truck stop, gas station, convenience store, jerky maker, barbeque restaurant, tchotchke vendor. It’s just a huge monstrosity of a place that only Texas can pull off. It’s impressive really even though everything in my faggoty liberal being wants to rebel against it.
• The Toy & Action Figure Museum. Also thanks to billboards Aaron and I stopped by this place of awesome awesomeness. It’s in a little town named Pauls Valley in Oklahoma. You would think a place like this would be in a bigger city. Hell we have a Museum of Death here in Los Angeles. But no, this place is in small town Oklahoma. You can see pictures of this in my Flickr photoset.
• Natural Bridge Caverns. Also a billboard attraction. Outside of New Braunfels, Texas here are these caverns. It’s room temperature yet humid as all hell down there making you sweat like a greased hog at a county fair. It’s still pretty amazing to be in these holes in the ground. The guides are these young kids, nothing like the Louisiana swamp tour guide who was in his 60s and made a living in the bayous as a trapper among other things. In the caverns it was all textbook. But it didn’t really matter since the formations down there were pretty amazing.
• Louisiana Food. Holy motherfucking shit. Fried gator. Catfish. Double stuffed shrimp. Fried chicken. Gumbo. Crawfish etoufee. Beignets. Jambalaya. Boudin balls. I didn’t even get the muffaletta that I wanted. But it was all right. I had damn near everything else. Holy motherfucking shit.
• Hilton Baton Rouge. Located in the Capitol District, they made you feel like royalty. Now, this isn’t big city luxury or anything. But for a city the size of Baton Rouge, it’s the best it will get. Good wi-fi strength, friendly folks behind the desks, good drinks in the bar. It’s right across the street from the Mississippi River. It’s near the convention center, new art museum, the old Capitol building. I loved it there.

There was a big lowlight though.

The plan in Norman, OK was to spend the night and head west on the I-40 to New Mexico. The plan was to walk on the Rio Grande Gorge Bridge outside of Taos before heading to the Four Corners. Unfortunately a blizzard was blanketing the Midwest cloing the I-40 between Albuquerque and Amarillo. So instead of just cutting across the Texas panhandle, we had to go back down the I-35 to the I-20 which meets the I-10 and come up the I-25 from Las Cruces. And because of the timing we decided to make that drive nonstop. So 26 hours of driving we went from Norman, OK to Flagstaff, AZ.

That hurt. I probably got 2 hours of sleep while Aaron probably got 1 or 2 at best. We got to a Motel 6 in Flagstaff at around 2 p.m. We ordered pizza, showered and crashed. I woke up around 7 p.m., watched some sports and crashed again at 11 p.m.

I will never EVER drive nonstop like that again.

Also one regret: I never got a photo of the old US Highway 666 sign. It is now US Highway 491, but some of the old signage remains. Unfortuately I was trying to concentrate on not falling asleep which I failed several times.

So here are the states I have visited:

So who wants to do a road trip to the north? Anyone?