Saturday afternoon was the ultimate lesson in being careful what you wish for, you might just get it.

Oregon wide receiver Josh Huff told reporters on Monday that he didn’t want to play the Rose Bowl unless he’s playing for a national championship. Running back De’Anthony Thomas said, “We already won a Rose Bowl, so it feels like, ‘Whatever.'”

When Pete Carroll was coaching USC, he always said that his goal was to go to the Rose Bowl every year, that there was nothing tiresome about being in the Rose Bowl. He went to five Rose Bowls in a six-year period. The one missing trip was because USC played for the BCS Championship at the Orange Bowl.

In 2008 Rey Maualuga said that he and some of the seniors were getting tired of Disneyland and some of the activities surrounding the Rose Bowl game. They were clearly BCS Championship favorites after beating Ohio State in Week 3, but they faltered in Corvallis after the bye. They wound up going to the Rose Bowl and beat Penn State, but that was their last appearance in Pasadena in January.

The gods were much more severe with Oregon. They travelled to Tucson, and Arizona just whooped up on them. Although the Ducks outgained the Wildcats, Oregon coughed up the ball three times. Ka’Deem Carey carried the ball 48 times for 206 yards and four touchdowns. Quarterback B.J. Denker was an efficient 19-for-22 with two touchdowns and 102 yards rushing on 14 carries.

So fortunately for Huff and Thomas, they won’t have to settle for the drudgery of the Rose Bowl. They could maybe get BCS at-large bid at best. If that doesn’t happen, they could even go to the Alamo Bowl. But imagine how much fun Oregon will have at the Holiday Bowl in San Diego or the Sun Bowl in El Paso. Talk about a hootenanny.

I’m sure Arizona would love to go to a Rose Bowl — besides newcomers Colorado and Utah, they’re the only other Pac-12 team never to play in the game. California hasn’t played in the game since 1959.

Of course, the other big loss of the day was Oklahoma State housing Baylor. For weeks I did not buy Baylor. It’s easy to score over 60 points when you’re playing programs like Wofford, Kansas, Buffalo and Louisiana-Monroe.

If Baylor beat the Cowboys, I was ready to give them respect. I probably would have elevated them over Ohio State. But they didn’t.

Of the two losses, Oregon’s was more shocking. A team that just lost to Washington State at home completely thrashed them.

Here’s the new AP poll.

Justin Pearson, From the Graveyard of the Arousal Industry, Soft Skull Press, 208 pp, 2010.

I really want to have sex with Justin Pearson.

Sure he might not be the best lay since he tells us throughout the book that he is a rather boring person. Despite being in bands, despite the notoriety of his “Jerry Springer Show” appearance, he assures us he just scrapes by day to day just trying to make it to the next day like the rest of us.

But I’m willing to take my chances.

He named his record label after a Joy Division lyric: Three One G. He fronted one of my favorite bands of all time: The Locust. He fronts one of my favorite bands currently: Retox. He’s done more for queer kids than GLAAD, HRC and all of those other white-washed organizations have combined to have done.

And after reading his memoir and getting a peek behind the curtain, I still really want to have sex with Justin Pearson.

Pearson recounts his childhood in Phoenix to his move to San Diego as a teenager after his father was murdered on Halloween. He recounts getting beat up and harassed in high school, being kicked out of his house at 16 and using music as a means to survive and deal with life.

There were talks of touring, how different music projects came together, getting shit stolen, getting the shit beat out of him, being antagonistic to the audience. There was love and breakups and quickie marriages.

Of course he recounts the “Jerry Springer Show” experience and said that backstage during the break he was roughed up by the show’s security for blowing a snotwad out of his nose and onto the carpet.

He talks about hanging out with Jaleel White and going to the Playboy Mansion.

With all of this in the foreground, there is the San Diego scene in the 90’s unfurling in the background. There, as much as he or anyone else wants to deny, is a bit of nostalgia in talking about the scene. It doesn’t wallow in it, however. There is no the-good-ole-days or these-kids-nowadays-just-make-noise moments. It’s just looking at the warts of the old days and rethinking the events and how they shape him now.

One thing that struck me about Pearson is that despite making no money, he kept on going because he loved what he was doing. He recounted an ex-girlfriend who went to L.A. for fashion school and got stuck in that machine.

She eventually moved away to work for a company in the fashion industry and seemed unhappy anytime I heard from her. She had so much soul and integrity. I would love to know what would have happened had she dropped the bullshit aspects of her career decision and tried to do something that was her own. I did that with my endeavors, and it has not paid off financially, but she could have never done something that uncertain. Maybe it’s because she comes from money. I fear being flat broke and deal with the uncertainty of my career decision, but I think in the long run it made me happier. (77-78)

Despite a life where violence frequently peeks its head, there is contentment in Pearson’s life. Sure he doesn’t get the luxuries that other bands like the Yeah Yeah Yeahs have, but he seems happy to be able to exert control on his life. Or, more accurately, to exert control on things he can control.

So seeing as much of the background as Pearson wanted to expose, I still want to have sex with Pearson. But I guess that won’t help the whole being called a fag thing that he has going for him. Sorry.

The proof is I took a picture of the laundry room and used Photoshop to make it look like something it doesn’t really look like. Oooooh! Got the detergent, the white vinegar, some quarters and instant clean!

So now I don’t feel so bad I don’t like Will Ferrell’s brand of humor. I guess I can once again look at my reflection in the mirror and look at humanity without disappoint or general dread.

Or not. The student Republican cult of the University of Texas wanted to hold a “Catch an Illegal Immigrant” game. Despite being broke, the city of Albuquerque decided they want to waste more money on lawsuits in their goal to end abortions.

At least we have Toronto mayor Rob Ford:

O Canada!

I think I did miss the memo. Apparently there is a good segment of the population that believe he is funny.

With the upcoming release of Anchorman 2 we have all been battered with “Ron Burgundy” shilling for Dodge Durangos, Will Ferrell reading out the Dodger lineup in the NLCS and other tortuous tie-ins.

I never liked him on SNL. His over-the-top characters tried too hard, and they had the desperation of trying to appeal to middle America. There was something mean about his portrayal of a male cheerleader and a club hopper. In fact, most of SNL during that period was an attempt to dehumanize the margins to appeal to the populace.

The only film of his I watched was A Night at the Roxbury, and that was under coercion. You would have hoped that my turning a sketch into a feature film there would be some character development, but it stayed at the superficial level. Sure you can make fun of these stereotypes, but they are human also. Instead of tapping into that a little, it remained a ha-ha-look-at-how-pathetic-they-are type of schlock.

I haven’t watch any of his other movies. Every time I see him make a television appearance, I keep hoping for something funny to happen. I have yet to see it.

It confounds me how much people like him. I don’t get it. Can someone tell me why he’s funny?

He might be a great guy. But I just don’t find him funny at all.

During the National Anthem in Buffalo, they unfurled a giant flag. It ripped. I still haven’t stopped giggling.

It didn’t seem to affect the Bills. They beat the Jets 37-14.

But should we even be doing this? A lot of teams use the military and patriotism for PR purposes. If they were true patriots and truly supported the military, they would stop taking government handouts and pay the billions of dollars they rightly owe in taxes. They would stop hijacking cities for taxpayers’ money just to build new stadiums and arenas.

Samuel Johnson famously said, “Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel.” We should really be careful about the motives of people who wave the flag and beat the drum of the military.

I still don’t understand the purpose of singing the National Anthem before every sporting event, but I stand up every time and respect it. For a while the Dodgers wanted us to stand for “God Bless America” during the seventh-inning stretch. That was too much. Besides I’m an atheist.

But anyhow, thanks for the laughs Buffalo.

I’m still trying to get over what all took place yesterday. There were incredible come backs, incredible plays, incredible upsets. It was everything that makes me glued to the teevee on Saturdays.

First there was Central Florida at Temple. UCF is ranked in the AP poll and undefeated in the American (nee Big East) Conference. If they win out, they get likely Orange Bowl berth. Lose and things get complicated in the conference. Meanwhile Temple is awful. They lost to Fordham, a I-AA team. Here’s the ending:

As this was ending, Maryland was at Virginia Tech in a game that really meant nothing. Maryland has fallen on hard times while Virginia Tech has been circling the drain. The game got into overtime, Virginia Tech kicked a field goal in their possession and Maryland scored a touchdown! Maryland beat Va Tech! Eh. I guess you had to be there.

In the afternoon session, there was Georgia and Auburn. Georgia are fighting for their SEC East lives. Auburn is still vying for BCS Championship consideration. Auburn had a 37-17 lead with 12:39 left in the game. Then their defense reared its ugly head.

Georgia scored three touchdowns to take the 38-37 lead with 1:49 left, and this happens:

Then, of course, there was Stanford at USC. Lee Corso predicted a USC win in his headgear pick for ESPN. I had a hunch that USC could pull it off. Well, here (it gets good at the 2-minute mark):

It was quite the day from morning to night. Unless you’re from these schools, who cares about BCS implications? This was great drama.

By the way, we shouldn’t forget about Duke. They beat Miami 48-30 and lead the ACC Coastal Division. In the new AP Rankings, Duke is no. 25. This is the first time they have been ranked since the final regular season poll in 1994 when they were also no. 25.

Today was not a Los Angeles sort of day. It wasn’t dry and hot or cloudy and cold. It’s usually an either/or proposition this time of the year.

Instead all day it was cloudy and warm like a cool autumn day in Baton Rouge. You could walk outside in jeans and a t-shirt and feel perfectly pleasant. It felt like a summer storm was coming on its way to break up the oppressive heat that is the hallmark of a Baton Rouge summer.

Ever since the road trip in February, I keep thinking about the place I spent most of the first eight years of my life. Perhaps when my grandmother passes away I will move back? I know that it’s part of the Deep South, it’s not a very tolerant place and all of that jazz.

But it’s familiar.

Perhaps I could live there for a few months out of the year and live here the rest of the time? Which brings me to another subject.

Any sugar daddies who could help fund this for me should let me know. Just click “Interact” button in the menu above. Thanks!

For the first time since I didn’t have a television while living in Santa Barbara from 1997 to 2001, I did not watch an NFL game in a week while the sport was in season. Judging by some of the highlights I caught while watching Jay Onrait and Dan O’Toole on Fox Sports 1, I didn’t miss anything.

By the way, I’m caught up with their podcast.

I don’t know.

After Thursday, everything was thrown up in the air. Oregon lost to Stanford deflating everyone’s hardon for the impending BCS Championship Game against Alabama. Baylor beat Oklahoma which finally gave them an ounce of credibility. Florida State now has the inside track for that matchup against Alabama.

Except, what we found out on Thursday was that anything can happen from now until the end of the regular season. Take Alabama, for example. The only team that really put the fear of god in them this season was Texas A&M with that spread option offense. Who else runs that offense? Why, Auburn of course.

In fact, that Auburn offense that was led by quarterback Cam Newton and offensive coordinator Guz Malzahn was the only win by Auburn in the Iron Bowl in the last five years. So if Auburn wins that game, they go to the SEC Championship Game instead of Alabama. In other words, Alabama would not get a chance to get back into the BCS picture.

So Florida State goes to the game, right? Well they end their regular season having to go to the Swamp to face Florida. Florida is awful, sure, but it’s a rivalry game. Florida is fighting for the bowl lives having gone to 22 consecutive bowl games, the nation’s longest active streak.

Or maybe, it will be Alabama and Florida State in the title game.

That’s what makes November so much fun. Remember 2007, the year of the upset? Things were such a clusterfuck, South Florida was ranked No. 2 at one point. In late November there was a No. 2 vs No. 3 matchup between Kansas and Missouri. It was like everything we had known in life to that point didn’t exist.

It was beautiful.

Here’s the AP poll and below are my rankings.

The whole Miami Dolphins mess brings up a question: what makes a man?

The report from the Sun Sentinel last night that the Dolphins coaching staff asked Richie Incognito to toughen up Jonathan Martin brings up that ever elusive question on masculinity.

Does being obese and wearing skin tight pants once a week make you a man?

Does leaving a voicemail that you are going to shit in someone’s mouth make you a man?

Does sticking your dick into a vagina make you a man?

Does loving to have penises put in your mouth and asshole make you a man?

Does sticking your fist into someone’s face make you a man?

I don’t know what the standards for masculinity are. I hated the standards I was taught growing up: to just keep quiet, to walk with your chest puffed out, to just blend into the background. I’m loud, vulgar, bitch a lot and sort of swish around.

I’d like to think myself as a tough son of a bitch. The only real problem I had with gay bashing came in college, and that ended with my so-called “basher” on the ground after I kneed him in the chest. When someone gives me shit, I dish it right back.

As a sports fan, I get that these athletes perform amazing feats in each game that I could not imagine to do. That’s why athletes are looked up to.

But judging how many of them hit women, rape, murder and are all-around odious examples of humanity, should athletes be the basis of how we live our lives?

I’ll just say that when I have someone’s dick in my mouth or asshole (or maybe two different dicks in the orifices at the same time!), I’m certainly not thinking about some stupid football player. Unless, that is, it is a football player who is fucking me.