One of the things I wanted to do during this road trip is forget about the stupid anxiety and depression I’ve really been under the last few months. On Day 2 of the road trip, circumstances made me confront it head on.
I fell asleep last night pretty damn near paradise, in San Simeon where over the occasional roar of cars driving down Pacific Coast Highway you can hear the sound of the waves crashing onto the beach. A place where there is no air-conditioning in motel rooms because an open window is better.
When I woke up, the first news item I saw: Jose Fernandez killed in a boating accident. Yet again, mortality rears its ugly head in my thoughts. But after breakfast and going to Hearst Castle, things were fine.
Driving up PCH, as I was pulling over to let a car pass me I hear Dallas Aunt yelling that I scraped my car against a shrub. Sure I saw the shrub, but really it was so minor that it didn’t concern me. A little later, I pulled over again to let another car pass me and saw a fallen sign on the road. Again, Dallas Aunt started yelling. I told her I saw it and had completely avoided it and not to worry.
But she was beside herself. A little later, she needed to use the restroom and checked the “damage.” Like I said, minor superficial scrapes that will easily wash away. Nothing big. I told her that since I’m going to use this car until it dies, a minor superficial scrape is of no concern. She called it “damage” and started chewing me out. She’s yelling at me that my apathy towards things drives her crazy, and that I had ruined her vacation.
After miles of silence (which was nice), I pulled over at Bixby Creek Bridge. Before getting out, she kept asking pointed questions until I finally told her about how emotionally fucked I am right now. So instead of trying to ignore all of this, I have to confront this at a time when I don’t want to.
She calmed the fuck down, but I am still raw as hell. We got to Monterey where we are spending the night and walked around Cannery Row. I guess I made it like everything is fine, but I don’t know. I honestly don’t know.
Tomorrow will bring us to San Francisco which we will pass through as quickly as one can possibly do in that awful city.