CFB Rankings: Grading the Non-BCS Bowls
Since September I have been riveted to the television watching college football games. Just one fuck up can cost a team a chance at a national championship. From 9 am to midnight out here on the west coast, there’s nothing but football.
Who are we kidding? Almost all of these games minus the Cotton Bowl are shitty. ESPN owns a lot of these games, so they are desperate for people to watch them.
Below is my preview of all of the non-BCS bowl games. Have fun.
| Date | Bowl Game | Site | Teams | Grade | Comments |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Dec. 21 | Gildan New Mexico Bowl | University Stadium Albuquerque, NM |
Colorado State Rams (7-6) Washington State Cougars (6-6) |
F | The first bowl portends to the boredom soon to ensue. |
| Dec. 21 | Royal Purple Las Vegas Bowl | Sam Boyd Stadium Las Vegas, NV |
Fresno State Bulldogs (11-1) USC Trojans (9-3) |
C | If I wasn’t in LA, I would probably grade this game lower. Fresno State’s loss to San Jose State cost them a BCS bowl berth, and USC is on their second interim head coach. This could be real good, or it could be the worst. |
| Dec. 21 | Famous Idaho Potato Bowl | Bronco Stadium Boise, ID |
Buffalo Bulls (8-4) San Diego State Aztecs (7-5) |
F | The only reason to tune into this game is to see the players freeze to death on the famous “Smurf Turf”. |
| Dec. 21 | R+L Carriers News Orleans Bowl | Superdome New Orleans, LA |
Tulane Green Wave (7-5) Louisiana-Lafayette Ragin’ Cajuns (8-4) |
F | I can’t think of a better thing to do on a Saturday night than watch two Louisiana teams play in a half empty stadium. |
| Dec. 23 | Beef ‘O’ Brady’s Bowl | Tropicana Field St. Petersburg, FL |
Ohio Bobcats (7-5) East Carolina Pirates (9-3) |
F | Let’s watch football in a baseball stadium! Beware of stray bullets. |
| Dec. 24 | Sheraton Hawaii Bowl | Aloha Stadium Honolulu, HI |
Oregon State Beavers (6-6) Boise State Broncos (8-4) |
F | The coaches wear Hawaiian shirts with leis. Apostrophes will be everywhere. |
| Dec. 26 | Little Caesars Pizza Bowl | Ford Field Detroit, MI |
Bowling Green Falcons (10-3) Pittsburgh Panthers (6-6) |
F | Of course the team that cost their conference millions of dollars for beating Northern Illinois gets banished to Detroit. |
| Dec. 26 | SD County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl | Qualcomm Stadium San Diego, CA |
North Illinois Huskies (12-1) Utah State Aggies (8-5) |
F | Hopefully I’m so drunk to the point of incoherence. |
| Dec. 27 | Military Bowl | Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium Annapolis, MD |
Marshall Thundering Herd (9-4) Maryland Terrapins (7-5) |
F | I wonder how many ways ESPN will try and make us care about this? |
| Dec. 27 | Texas Bowl | Reliant Stadium Houston, TX |
Syracuse Orange (6-6) Minnesota Golden Gophers (8-4) |
F | Great. A bunch of sports media folks will be the only ones to give two shits about this one. |
| Dec. 27 | Fight Hunger Bowl | AT&T Park San Francisco, CA |
BYU Cougars (8-4) Washington Huskies (8-4) |
F | Of all the places to play a football game, a place that was designed without football in mind? Of course this would take place in San Francisco. |
| Dec. 28 | New Era Pinstripe Bowl | Yankee Stadium Bronx, NY |
Rutgers Scarlet Knights (6-6) Notre Dame Fighting Irish (8-4) |
F | For once the booing won’t be reserved for Alex Rodriguez. |
| Dec. 28 | Belk Bowl | BofA Stadium Charlotte, NC |
Cincinnati Bearcats (9-3) North Carolina Tarheels (6-6) |
F | What the fuck is a Belk? |
| Dec. 28 | Russell Athletic Bowl | Florida Citrus Bowl Stadium Orlando, FL |
Louisville Cardinals (11-1) Miami Hurricanes (9-3) |
D | I guess for a bowl game this might have something compelling. Hopefully no one is jailed before the game. |
| Dec. 28 | Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl | Sun Devil Stadium Tempe, AZ |
Michigan Wolverines (7-5) Kansas State Wildcats (7-5) |
F | Get ready for Jason Whitlock to tweet about this game. Unfollow him now! |
| Dec. 30 | Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl | Amon G. Carter Stadium Fort Worth, TX |
Middle Tennessee Blue Raiders (8-4) Navy Midshipmen (8-4) |
F | Some team I’ve never heard of and a triple option offense. Does anyone have heroin? |
| Dec. 30 | Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl | LP Field Nashville, TN |
Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (7-5) Ole Miss Rebels (7-5) |
F | Are you kidding me with this shit? |
| Dec. 30 | Valero Alamo Bowl | Alamodome San Antonio, TX |
Texas Longhorns (8-4) Oregon Ducks (10-2) |
D | A team with no coach, and a team that has no interest in the game. |
| Dec. 30 | National University Holiday Bowl | Qualcomm Stadium San Diego, CA |
Texas Tech Red Raiders (7-5) Arizona State Sun Devils (10-3) |
F | What the fuck is National University? By the way, Kliff Kingsbury, the head coach of Tech, is younger than me. And he’s a little hot. For a coach, that is. |
| Dec. 31 | Advocare V100 Bowl | Independence Stadium Shreveport, LA |
Boston College Eagles (7-5) Arizona Wildcats (7-5) |
F | Shreveport is a shithole. |
| Dec. 31 | Hyundai Sun Bowl | Sun Bowl Stadium El Paso, TX |
Virginia Tech Hokies (8-4) UCLA Bruins (9-3) |
D | Virginia Tech is shitty, and no one knows which Bruins team will show up. Also, El Paso is a shithole. |
| Dec. 31 | AutoZone Liberty Bowl | Liberty Bowl Memorial Stadium Memphis, TN |
Mississippi State Bulldogs (6-6) Rice Owls (10-3) |
F | No. |
| Dec. 31 | Chik-Fil-A Peach Bowl | Georgia Dome Atlanta, GA |
Duke Blue Devils (10-3) Texas A&M Aggies (8-4) |
D | Duke is cute, but they’re still shitty. |
| Jan. 1 | TaxSlayer.com Gator Bowl | EverBank Field Jacksonville, FL |
Georgia Bulldogs (8-4) Nebraska Cornhuskers (8-4) |
D | A duel between two disappointing teams. Hopefully I’m still asleep for this one. |
| Jan. 1 | Heart of Texas Bowl | Cotton Bowl Dallas, TX |
UNLV Rebels (7-5) North Texas Mean Green (8-4) |
D | At least North Texas gets to escape the fracking on their campus. |
| Jan. 1 | Capital One Bowl | Florida Citrus Bowl Stadium Orlando, FL |
South Carolina Gamecocks (10-2) Wisconsin Badgers (9-3) |
D | Really? |
| Jan. 1 | Outback Bowl | Raymond James Stadium Tampa, FL |
LSU Tigers (9-3) Iowa Hawkeyes (8-4) |
D | If I’m awake, I might check this out. |
| Jan. 3 | AT&T Cotton Bowl Classic | AT&T Stadium Arlington, TX |
Missouri Tigers (11-2) Oklahoma State Cowboys (10-2) |
A | Finally! A game to get excited about. And for the second straight year, it’s a duel between former Big 12 rivals. |
| Jan. 4 | BBVA Compass Bowl | Legion Field Birmingham, AL |
Vanderbilt Commodores (8-4) Houston Cougars (8-4) |
F | We call this filler until the BCS Championship Game. |
| Jan. 5 | GoDaddy Bowl | Ladd Peebles Stadium Mobile, AL |
Ball State Cardinals (10-2) Arkansas State Red Wolves (8-5) |
F | I should be dead by this game. |