Surreal, angry, sad, giggly, introspective, obscene, hungry, tired, bored, horny, inundated, clean, irritated, offended, scared.

It never fails. As the hours pass, I have become increasingly numb to this entire situation. First, there was anger. I had no idea why anyone would want to send a message by slamming planes into buildings kamikaze style. Of course, this is before I could digest what others were thinking.

As the morning wore on, I heard every sort of voice saying what an outrage this is, asking what America did do deserve this, anger as to why America wasn’t prepared for this and calls to up defense spending using this incident as an example. The more voices I heard, the more annoyed I got. How can anyone living in this country think that we are li’l innocent people undeserving of something like this.

Now, as with everything in this world, this happened for a reason. Whether it was a bunch of Palestinians pissed off at our inseparable alliance with the Israelis, our constant exploitation of third world countries that drive them to the brink of extinction or whatever else, we need to do something to fix this. I’m not talking about retaliation or “justice”, but rather a complete overhaul of our foreign policy that actually supports what our country stands for.

I was sitting down for lunch at Subway which has a lot of windows looking out to the parking lot and street (Torrance Blvd). As I was eating, I had this nagging sense that someone was watching me. I started looking around suspiciously, almost in a paranoiac way, when I found the suspects. They looked as if they were trying to see within my soul. The piercing blue eyes caught me; I emitted a silent gasp.

I started to ask myself why someone would want to see within me. Was it my newly shorn hair? Was it my Fray Day shirt? Whatever it was, I felt flattered yet intruded upon. Fortunately, I was at the end of my meal and left soon thereafter.

Last night was Fray Day out here in Santa Monica. It was quite nice, but the turn-out wasn’t what I expected it to be. Most of the people heard it through word-of-mouth which was quite surprising. Then again, most people haven’t been checking The Fray out since 1997. Damn that’s a long time.

But the scheduled performers AND the open mikers were very good, the surprise being the open mikers. I’ve hosted and coordinated the huge Open Mike Night up in Santa Barbara (IV actually), and was quite bored through most of it. Nevertheless, there were many good stories shared last night.

It has gotten me motivated to get my ass writing, which is the main reason I went. My rate of writing has been like molasses. Hopefully that outlook will improve.

Any good shows in LA this week?

Lethargy has crept its way into my system now. I can’t seem to move my fingers, my feet, my brain. It’s all just too much right now. Hopefully some Pepsi (c) will fix that up soon.

Tonight — Something @ the Spaceland. I’m addicted to that place.
Saturday — Cut hair. Art opening in Camarillo. Betty Blowtorch and Radio Vago @ Spaceland.
Sunday — Fray Day 5 @ Un-Urban Coffeehouse, Santa Monica.

It seems that it will be a bit more mellow this weekend than last. That would be nice.

I was on the phone last night getting dirty family secrets from my aunt. What surprised me was not the secrets themselves, but the vast amounts that exist. It is quite disturbing to even think about it.

I’m going to chop my hair off tomorrow. I’ll take before and after pictures, although it won’t be as extreme as when I went to cut my shoulder length hair off a couple of years ago. It’ll be fun.

I’m in a constant state of perplexion right now. Everything seems like it’s coming at me head on, as if I were a deer standing on a highway at night. Nothing seems right. I think I’m hungry, but I just had food a couple of hours ago. Has it been hours? It seemed like it was minutes. Where am I right now? How much longer is this drivel going to last?

I always seem to fuck up on which place I want to post an entry to. I always seem to forget. Arrrrgh.

Last night, quite by accident, I caught Bjork on Charlie Rose. As usual she was fabulous. I think I’ve heard everything she said before, but it’s different coming from her directly. Her voice and mannerisms make the words alive. It’s quite spectacular.

In keeping with my PBS whore-dom, I watched Sister Wendy in America. I missed most of her previous series; I’m determined to watch this one through.

This weekend will definitely be calmer than last.

Antonin: It’ll be good all right. It’ll be the best you’ve ever had. Trust me.
John: I know what I’m into. How far are you will to go?
A: I’ve gone deeper into the reaches of kink that it’s not even funny.
J: Details?
A: Blood, guts, San Onofre Nuclear Power Plant, MTV. Enough?
J: Well…
A: Look. I need to make my money somehow. If you’re from the Times, fuck off. If not, let me in and let’s go.
J: How much?
A: I’m fucking priceless.
ATTITUDE is worth its weight in gold here. The thicker, the better.

The picnic was great. It uplifted my spirits. I tried to get some of my co-workers to go with me, but the prevailing opinion was, “I’m not into that lovey-dovey shit.” So there you go. I guess I’m “lovey-dovey”.