I’m Not Worthy
There are quite a few people I follow online, whether it be on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or any other platforms whom I’ve never interacted with. Sure, I started following them because I found them hot, but there was some substance there that kept me interested.
I rarely interact with these folks though. I don’t know how to describe why. I guess it’s something like I don’t think I’m worthy enough to interact with them. Or it’s more like I don’t think I have anything significant to contribute, so rather than waste time being a gushing fanboy or something idiotic like that, just keep being a voyeur. I know, very LA of me, but you’ve got to keep your damn cool.
At the beginning of the month someone I follow on Instagram posted a sunset photo of New York City. The text was not written by the person but by his mother — he had died suddenly over the past weekend. There was an instant sadness, but I had to push that aside for a work Zoom meeting. Sure it wasn’t full blown grief, but it did get me wondering why it affected me at all. I mean the only thing I knew about this guy were the photos and words he posted to Instagram.
But thoughts kept flashing through my head: am I missing by not reaching out? Would I be more fulfilled if I did lose my cool every now and then? What the hell am I doing with my life?
Oh well. Fuck it. I’ll take a nap.