2014 Baseball Predictions

Dodger Stadium

1. The Houston Astros will compete in the AL West. I know people expect Houston to be competitive in a few years, but sometimes these things happen ahead of schedule. They will compete with the Oakland Athletics for the division. The Angels and Mariners will hover around .500, and the Texas Rangers will have a really shitty season.

2. Yasiel Puig will be placed on the disabled list with a leg injury. After all of the hubbub of him being a cancer in the Dodger clubhouse, the worst thing to happen to baseball and other things that these white straight male sportswriters write about the guy, Puig will hurt himself in June trying to extend a single into a double. The same white straight male writers will have a grin of smug self-satisfaction and masturbate themselves into ecstatic oblivion.

3. Clayton Kershaw will be on the disabled list. After signing the big contract extension, he will inevitably get injured. Oh wait! It’s already happened!

4. Tampa Bay Rays will win the AL East. Meanwhile the Yankees and the Red Sox will continue to play five-hour nine-inning games that will set the entire Eastern Seaboard into a somnambulant daze.

5. The Pittsburgh Pirates and Kansas City Royals will be in the World Series. At least, that’s what I’m rooting for.

6. Most of the major tv providers will continue to balk at paying for SportsNetLA all season long. Dodger fans get used to not seeing them on television and are able to fully live their lives as productive members of society. The Dodgers will have to cut payroll to Tampa Bay Rays level, and the Angels begin to enjoy a new era of popularity.

Here will be the division winners:

AL East: Tampa Bay Rays
AL Central: Kansas City Royals
AL West: Houston Astros
AL Wildcards: Cleveland Indians, Oakland Athletics

NL East: Atlanta Braves
NL Central: Pittsburgh Pirates
NL West: San Francisco Giants
NL Wildcards: LA Dodgers, St. Louis Cardinals