Wake Me Up When Coachella Is Over

There are only very few reasons to buy tickets and endure the stinky shitfest that is the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival in 2014. 1. Outkast 2. Motorhead 3. The Replacements 4. The Knife 5. Mogwai Yeah. That’s not going to get me itching to go. As I tweeted last night:

Why are so many people jizzing their pants over the Coachella lineup? Outside of Outkast and The Replacements it's a snoozefest.

— Jimmy Bramlett (@JimmyBramlett) January 9, 2014

But rather than going on bitching about it, let’s go a different direction. Early on in college a bunch of us would talk about the lineup for our fantasy festival. Over the years the lineups would have inevitably changed. Needing a broad range of performers from headliners to smaller acts, to hip-hop to rock, to retro and reunions, I think here is a festival I would go see:

• My Bloody Valentine
• Front Line Assembly
• Slayer
• Kanye West
• Unwound
• PJ Harvey
• Dinosaur Jr.
• Bauhaus
• Bjork
• Aphex Twin

This isn’t a complete list, but I would probably go to see this. Looking at this list a second time, it’s looking more like a lineup more suited for a county fair circuit. Jeez I’m not getting any younger.