funemployment

I got back from the Apple Valley getaway. Despite all of my neurosis, it was very nice to relax in a pool for a couple of days. I got some color, as you can see above, and while I didn’t finish Gravity’s Rainbow, I did get to page 400 — just past the halfway point. I did have a moment of stupidity while in the water, though. I was reading in the pool, and I was really diligent about keeping the book above the water and keeping my hands dry. But as I was readjusting my position after an hour of reading, I let my guard down and allowed the book to touch the water. Fuuuuuuck. It wasn’t a lot of water, so no big foul. But ugh.

I received the instructions for my first day of work on Monday meaning Funemployment will be ending in a few days. While I’ve been good at keeping thoughts of work at bay the last few weeks, they’re now starting to slip in. I haven’t even gotten there, and I’m already figuring out the meetings I will need to schedule, the equipment and software I will need to request. And trying to figure out the schedule I want to keep and how to arrange my life around it. Once I realize I’m doing it, I try and clear it from my mind. I guess my cats will need to do a better of job of keeping me company. Stupid deadbeats.

I’m out in the middle of the desert. While last year I went to a house that sat on a 5-acre plot of land in 29 Palms with nothing around (NOTHING!), this year I am at Madd’s boytoy’s house in Apple Valley that is armed with a pool. It’s not quite the middle of nowhere solitude that I do like, but I must admit that the convenience is quite nice.

Since I am exactly one week away from the new job, my plan is to take the next couple of days lounging pool side, accidentally gulping a ton of chlorinated pool water and finishing Gravity’s Rainbow. It’s a hectic action-packed schedule, I know, and I can only hope I don’t wear myself out before I go home on Wednesday.

I find it weird being a houseguest. I’m used to either renting a hotel room or getting an Airbnb where I am alone. I don’t feel I can truly be 100% at ease no matter how close I am with the person — and Madd is one of my closest friends. I always want to be considered a good houseguest, so I’m always walking on pins and needles trying to be as inoffensive as possible. There’s a specter of judgement that hangs in the air regardless if it is true or imagined.

This is the reason I live alone. I can deal with judging myself — I’m a fucking idiot so I can easily disregard what I think.

The other thing that weirds me out is that I don’t have the alarm or garage door opener, so I feel a bit trapped. Actually, it’s more that I feel reliant on someone else for things and my well-being, and I really hate that feeling.

Regardless, I am enjoying relaxing and attempting to turn my mind off. Let’s see how it goes.

I think I need to learn how to do this Funemployment nonsense. After leaving behind Disney and Hulu on Tuesday, Wednesday I slept in and only went to the grocery store. Yesterday I managed to get a TB test for my upcoming job then hung out at IKEA with Madd. Which brings me to the photo above: I figured I should take the time today to purge and reorganize and re-everything my apartment.

But after taking a look at this shit and realizing I don’t know where I want to put it, I just want to do this:

I do have big plans in setting up a room divider curtain to block off my bedroom area and moving my desk to the “nook-ish” area by the entrance to create more of an office area. I know, this is a fun and exciting vacay!

Actually I am planning on escaping from here with Madd and going to her boytoy’s house out in the desert on Sunday and spend a few days just lounging by and in the pool and hopefully turning a different shade of pale. My goal there is to fucking finish Gravity’s Rainbow. Then after another couple of days, I start the new job.

Maybe I’ll see about getting buttfucked or whipped or fisted tonight…