I had an awful dream last night that I was part of a group segregated from the rest of population in an internment camp-like existence. We were placed in squads and could only be out and about when our white leaders led us from one place to another. Other “normal” citizens were able to move about freely. But us queers and blacks were forced to wear a drab uniform while marching about town.
When it was time to feed us, they would make us go through these ridiculous obstacle courses in order to get to the food. Once they made us march to a building where we all knew someone was going to get gassed and killed. We then had to drag the corpse to the incinerator then march back to our “barracks.”
A couple of times I got separated from my squad, and there was a dread that I would be found out and killed. I kept trying to return to my squad. Once I ran into Tyson and Catherine and managed to talk to them for a couple of minutes before finding my squad and returning.
The whole time I was in this awful world, I was filled with a lot of fear. I didn’t know how long I would have to endure this, but I had hope that people would overthrow Trump’s policy and give me my freedom back. But as each second ticked by, my cynicism took over and the fear of being detained indefinitely kicked in. Not knowing if you’re next to die, if you’ve done something to piss off the powers-that-be, if your fellow detainees are finks.
There is no secret why this popped up in my subconscious last night. All weekend long I’ve been on the verge of breaking down because of everything I read and saw in the news. The immigration and refugee and Muslim ban. Seeing the ACLU lawyers work pro bono and literally on the floor to try and free those who were detained. Seeing the federal court issuing a temporary stay of the Cuntwad’s executive order. Of seeing the protests at the airports across the country. Of realizing that this is now our new normal, of having to fight like hell just to keep the Consitution from being the political equivalent of Charmin toilet paper.
All this to say I’m fucking scared like I’ve never been scared before. I went back through the archives here and looked at what I wrote during W’s administration, and while I was angry at a lot of his policies I never thought that we were headed straight to the end of the world.