Here I am at a respectable job yet again. I posted about it on Facebook on Friday, and there were quite a few people congratulated me and “liked” the status update. I wish I could be as enthusiastic about it as they are.
I mean, there are worse things out there. I’m employed. I’m around people. I’m not homeless. I’ll have income so I won’t be dirt poor anymore. So I suppose that’s good. But all of that avoids the real problem of the situation: I don’t like accounting. It’s boring, tedious and quite frustrating at times. And not frustrating as in it’s hard. It’s more akin to wanting to strangle a bitch for doing something stupid, a mistake that gets compounded the further down the line it goes.
This means that I need to get my ass in gear and get the writing part of me all set. Hopefully my distaste and depression for this job will get me to jump start that, and then I’ll be trolling press boxes once again. Well, I guess that’s the hope.
Today was actually quite grotesque, the fact I had to wake up at 6:45 am so I could poop, shower and leave the house so I could make it by 8:15 am. It’s weird to have a set start time at a job. I haven’t had a desk job since around 2013, so waking up that early is foreign to me. And even when I had a desk job there was no set time to be in, especially at Hulu.
It’s a Korean-owned clothing manufacturing company right on the border of Huntington Park and Vernon, I guess where the really horrible second season of True Detective was set (I didn’t watch it apart from 30 minutes of the first episode.) Yes, my uncle hooked me up with the job, but I don’t think they’re supposed to know that. I doubt any of them would read this, but if so, oops. People speak mostly Korean around here, so I suppose my Korean is going to get better just by osmosis.
Another good thing about the place is that clock-out time is 5:45 pm, so there is no pressure to look busy for a long period of time and skip dinner and waste your life away at a desk far far away from home. They also provide lunch which is nice. Naturally it’s Korean food, and the owner asked me if that was okay. Ha!
Oh, and there is a Blue Line stop just a block away from the office. So I can Metro to work!!!!! You don’t know how stoked I am about this.
One of the first things I’m doing is creating some financial reports for a bank audit that they’re going through. I’m trying to figure out where some the numbers they’re giving me is coming from, and it’s really confusing. It appears that they just come out of thin air. Just poof! It really is an accounting nightmare.
And I guess this goes back to the heart of my ambivalence about this job: that I still remember the accounting shit and can do it quite easily. I’ve also had to remember some of my old Excel tricks which I haven’t used since my last stint at Hulu. It really is horrific.
But I suppose there are worse things out there.
The only reason I really look forward to my birthday is that I get time off from work and that I usually rent an Airbnb out in the middle of the desert in the Joshua Tree vicinity with a pool, hot tub, and no one around for 5 acres. So here I am in Landers (or a bit away from it really) whose claim to fame was that it was the epicenter of a 7.3 earthquake in 1992 just hours before a separate 6.5 earthquake centered in Big Bear hit on a Sunday morning. Wild stuff.
I arrived here yesterday, and on the way had to stop to get gas. Since this stupid fucking illegal war with Iran has driven gas prices sky high again, I’ve mostly been back on public transit again because, fuck that. There I was at the Arco station jaw agape as the $30 went to $40 and on up until it landed at $72 for 13 gallons of gas. Yes, the “cheap” gas.
I’m going to be spending most of the time in or around the pool trying to finish Schattenfroh by Michael Lentz. I’m at around page 604, so I have about 400 more pages to go. I’ll be honest — I have no fucking clue what’s going on in the book. It’s a slow, slow read and demands your attention but not in a painstaking way. It’s a very enjoyable read, but I honestly don’t know how we get from one part to the next. Instead of trying to make sense of it, I’m just riding the wave, going where it’s taking me and try to make sense of it later.
I’ve started working on a couple of things with myself and hope to get better at as I begin my 48th year on this planet: I have started to journal more. It’s the most mundane scatterbrained thing. I hope it doesn’t cause someone’s head to explode when they go through my journals after I’m dead. (How cute. I think I have any importance that people will actually read what I write rather than just dispose it like they should.)
I need to curb my YouTube addiction. I don’t watch tv shows. I don’t watch sports all that much. I don’t use TikTok. I only doomscroll through Facebook at 3 am after I have woken up to take a piss. I am no longer perpetually online. But I will sit down and waste hours upon hours watching YouTube videos. I really need to get that in check.
That’s all I’ve got. Overall, I’m not happy, but I’m not completely depressed. Let’s just call it nonplussed. For someone who feels like a stranger in his own country, I guess that’s about as good as we can hope for.
Occasionally, after reading certain books, when his disgust for daily life became particularly marked, he longed for the lenitive hours immersed in a cloister…
There is just a clause in the above sentence in the first chapter for J.-K. Huysman’s The Damned (Là-Bas) that really stuck out to me: “when his disgust for daily life became particularly marked.”
I had to go back to work today after two weeks off. The first week I did a road trip that culminated in being in a cabin for two days in Choteau, Montana that had a hot tub. It was nice to sit in the hot jets while it was 18F (-8C) outside. Then I meandered my way home before just doing nothing for the second week. Just sitting with my cats, sleep, and tell myself I was going to mop my floors before doing none of that.
After these weeks of doing a whole bunch of nothing, to my horror it was time to go back to work. The dread of walking into my office which I liken to a monkey cage at the zoo, plugging in my laptop and opening Outlook. Emails filled with complaints. That was the dread that was inside of me.
So I get it when Huysman’s protagonist Durtal has a “disgust for daily life.” It’s certainly reassuring that not a lot has changed over the last 130 or so years.