My Eyes!!!!

NonplussedOkay, I’m not the best in the selfie game. I’m trying to look nonplussed here. I end up looking like I had just sucked off a gargantuan elephantitis cock and gotten my jaw unhinged and dislocated. Or tried to eat a very big slice of pie.

This morning I got my obese fucking ass out for a jog. Halfway through the run, it feels like there’s an eyelash in my left eye. Part of my vision in my left eye goes blurry. So I drag my fat ass back home, take the contact lens out and see that there was a rip down the middle. Great.

The modus operandi is to throw both lenses out and open up a new pair. Except I was on my last pair. And being the lazy asshole I am, I totally overextended these lenses trying to delay going to an optometrist and getting an eye exam. Naturally the earliest available appointment is next Thursday. So it will be a week of glasses for me!

On the upside, I shaved my balls yesterday so at least I have that going for me.