Angel of Death, the Day before Nuclear Annihilation

I needed to get that out of my system. These goddamn fucking idiotic humans. It’s not enough that we gave them the earth, plenty of fresh water and bountiful food. It wasn’t enough we gave them orgasms and psychedelic drugs. The capability to feel love, empathy and all of those nice non-carnal emotions. No. They just had to fuck things up, start quarrelling with themselves and annihilate themselves. I should just leave them there, flailing and agonizing in pain and misery. But God won’t like it, and we can’t have her upset. Especially on this day of the month.

It’s her own damn fault, though. She’s the one who decided to make these pathetic creatures. We all warned her. Peter told her they were too stupid to realize that everyone is good. Humans needed to have some gay people around to make sure the population didn’t go haywire. But those fuckers wanted to spread everywhere like cancer. They even made being gay illegal! Can you believe that? Poor Peter. Now he has to argue with those ascending souls that being gay is all right up here. Those fucking humans think they know everything. He’s pissed, especially since he’s salaried and doesn’t get overtime. He doesn’t need their bullshit on top of it.

I was running late into the office this morning. Mike was fun last night, and I was still walking a little funny. I’ve got to remember to take it easy on school nights since the mornings after are always a bitch. Especially when the alarm is blaring and you see that it’s already 7:45 and you have only 15 minutes to get cleaned and dressed and to the office about five miles away.

Needless to say, I didn’t even have time to have my first cup of coffee when I hurriedly walked into the office and saw Azrael who had the graveyard shift. I always felt bad when I was late, but he was usually laughed off my tardiness.

Something was different this morning. Instead of calling me a slut he just sat there looking pale, like he saw a ghost. When I walked in it took him a while before he noticed me, and even then there was no greeting, no nothing. It was just a terrified stare.

“What’s up, Azrael,” I asked as I walked to the kitchen to make some much-needed coffee. “Is everything all right?”

“Oh, hey Adriel. Um. All I have to say is good luck.” With that he got up and ran out of office as if God herself was giving birth on our kitchen counter.

“Um. Okay.” What the fuck was that about?

As my coffee brewed, I walked over to my desk to get my daily requisitions. Usually there were several sheets of paper letting me know whose soul I had to take with their address and their physical description. I soon realized that something was very wrong. I was getting the sense that whatever freaked Azrael out was going to affect me.

Instead of the requisitions there was only a post-it. “Call me. God.”

Fuck.

Need. Coffee.

That didn’t sound good. I automatically started questioning whether last night was worth it to incur the wrath of God. I could still feel Mike’s cum sloshing around my ass. Hell, I could still picture his fist all the way up there. But here I was, still no coffee in my system and about to have to deal with God. I dialed the number.

“Adriel. You’re late.”

“I know. I’m sorry, ma’am.”

“I have no time for this,” God interrupted. “There are more pressing issues.”

I let out a sigh of relief knowing I dodged that bullet.

“As you know,” God continued, “the humans have been fighting amongst themselves more and more. What we were afraid of will be happening in 24 hours.”