Handjob, Blowjob and Anal: The Kings Version

@JimmyBramlett To make up for this I feel you should do a Kings edition “Blowjob, Handjob & Anal” thing. — you can call me tart (@automatart) April 25, 2014
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Handjob – Jake Muzzin. He didn’t show up on the score sheet in Game 5, but he has two goals and an assist in this series. He also is one of the few Kings players with a positive +/- rating with a +3. His efforts on the blue line do get overlooked at times, but he is one the reasons the Kings haven’t hurt with the loss of Rob Scuderi. |
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Blowjob – Jonathan Quick. A lot of people were questioning him after the first two games. But anyone who watched the games knew that most of the problems were the players in front of him. It’s hard to be perfect when the players in front you look lost and are chasing their tails for 40 minutes. Here in Game 5 in San Jose, Quick pitched a shutout with 30 saves. If you want to look at the big reason why the Kings are still in this series, you can look no further than who’s minding the net. Normally this would deserve some anal action, but he’s really boring as fuck. My pubic hair has more personality than what he shows to the media. Of course, that’s not what is required of him. All he really needs to concern himself with is being a top-notch goaltender. |
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Anal – Jeff Carter. Okay, Carter hasn’t looked his best in this series, although he did score the Kings’ third goal tonight on the power play. But look at him.
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