First published on LAist on January 13, 2010.
Below is part one of my book review/interview with author Benoit Denizet-Lewis.
In the introduction to his second book American Voyeur: Dispatches from the Far Reaches of Modern Life Benoit Denizet-Lewis writes, “And although I have written about sports, for the most part I’ve gravitated toward chronicling the lives of people who are ignored, misunderstood, stereotyped, or outside the mainstream.”
This collection of pieces he has written for various publications traditional and online like The New York Times magazine, The Boston Globe Magazine, Salon.com, Slate.com and Out to name several from 2000 to 2008 does probe into the lives of those normally marginalized by the media and the public.
“I think if there’s anything I tried to do in American Voyeur, it was to get beyond the kneejerk reaction to an idea or to a group of people that we may not know much about,” Denizet-Lewis told me in a phone interview on Sunday. “American Voyeur is really going into the subcultures and really actually getting to know people.”
While perhaps the most controversial piece he has written was “Double Lives on the Down Low” detailing the Down Low culture amongst black males who lead a straight life but carry on sexual encounters with men at night, the most gripping piece was “Boy Crazy” which details how NAMBLA overestimated how far a reach the sexual revolution would have.
“I had the opportunity to actually go and write a piece about [NAMBLA] and go beyond the vitriol and see what did they think they were going to accomplish,” Denizet-Lewis explained. “Did they really believe that they were going to be passengers on the bandwagon of sexual liberation? And they really believed that they were going to be a strong political force. What happened? Why didn’t it happen? What do these guys believe? What does it say about us the way we decided to look at NAMBLA as opposed to other groups that espouse the same ideas.”
What makes Denizet-Lewis successful in his pieces is his open-mindedness in covering a subject. “I think so much of journalism tends to be taking a position one way or the other and a lot of that is so obvious,” he said.
And this is how he is able to allow his subjects to open up to him.
“People have ten facades of bullshit they show the world, and all of those facades are interesting. Me as a reporter if I’m hanging out with someone for a long time, I get to see those facades and all of those are interesting and hopefully get to who the person is when they’re trying not to impress you or project something in particular.”
As an openly gay writer it could be considered remarkable that he got hardcore teenage Christians (in “God Is Rad”) and pro-life teens (in “Camp Life”) to open up to him. But he did add in his introduction that adolescents tend to be more candid. “They seemed to relish having someone take interest in them – someone who would listen without judgment,” he writes.
In being nonjudgmental the humanity of his subjects comes up to the surface despite the disparity of beliefs. In fact he told me he was heartened by the teenage Christians.
“They were trying to convert me which was quite funny,” he said. “I really enjoyed spending time with them. After hanging out with them I really got a sense that if American kids were half as passionate about anything as these kids are about god, the world would be a much better place. I really believe that.”
American Voyeur is separated in two parts: a section entitled “Youth” and a section entitled “Sex”. However the themes of sexuality and identity is pervasive throughout all the pieces.
“Because of my own experience with sex addiction, maybe I’m more open-minded about the ways that people might seek to carve out their sex lives,” he said.
“Some of the big issues I wrote about are sex and identity. I can think these were things that I was struggling with and working out in my own life.”
American Voyeur is a set of stories that can be entertaining, enlightening and heart breaking sometimes all at the same time. It’s a very quick read – had the Pete Carroll story not pop up on Friday, I would have finished the promotional copy I received from the publisher that morning by that night – and very enjoyable.
Catch Part 2 of my interview with Benoit Denizet-Lewis tomorrow.
American Voyeur: Dispatches from the Far Reaches of Modern Life is published by Simon & Schuster and can be found at all book retailers.
Catch Benoit Denizet-Lewis weekly on Deadspin chronicling his alma mater Northwestern’s quest for their first NCAA Tournament invitation ever.
Also catch him tomorrow night at the Barnes & Noble at the Grove at 7 pm.
It was summer 1996 right before my senior year of high school back when my curfew was 10. I spent a Saturday with C who was at a UCLA summer camp. While hanging out in her dorm room and traipsing around Westwood Village, I ended up buying a used copy of Stabbing Westward’s Wither, Blister, Burn and Peel at the Wherehouse. “What Do I Have to Do” was played quite a bit on KROQ, and while I thought it was NIN-lite, I couldn’t deny how catchy and good it is.
I got home a bit late, around 10:30, and that was when I had the worst fight with my mom. She had gone to bed early and woke up when I went to the bathroom. Naturally she asked where I was and didn’t believe me when I said where I was or what I was doing. I kept telling her that I was just spending the day with C at UCLA, and she insisted that I wasn’t. I could only imagine what she thought I was doing. I wondered what I did to make her not trust me — I didn’t drink or use drugs; I was a good student in AP classes. At this point I had only started smoking cigarettes for several months. I listened to dark music. I liked to hang out at coffeeshops with my friends. I had horrible self-esteem. I was loud and angry with role models being Howard Stern and Roseanne. I knew I wasn’t perfect, but I didn’t think I was off the rails.
How do you communicate this to a mother with just as bad of a temper as you and who refuses to believe you?
It was getting late, and I wanted to go to bed. My mom didn’t want to end the argument. As a 17-year old, I didn’t know what she wanted from me. I knew I was hiding something big, and I had no intention of ever telling her. But my mom kept yelling at me saying I wasn’t telling the truth. Then I blurted it out.
“I’m gay.”
Fuck. As those words came out, I knew it was a fucking mistake. I knew nothing good was going to come out of this and that this argument was not going to come to an end anytime soon. Predictably, my mom went even more berserk perfecting every melodramatic beat from Korean dramas.
I knew I had to just stand there and take it. Then she said it.
“If you ever bring this up again, I will shoot you and shoot myself.”
Everything blurred after that. I knew I was never going to get my mother’s love, that no one was going to be there for me. It definitely explains the relationship I have with my mom, and it probably explains why I have never been in a relationship or see myself ever being in one.
Since then whenever I listen to Stabbing Westward I think about this night.
All of this to say that I did go see them Friday night as they promoted their re-recording of Wither to celebrate its 30th anniversary along with PIG, Acumen Nation (celebrating the 30th anniversary of Territory=Universe) and 16Volt (celebrating the 30th anniversary of LetDownCrush) as a part of Cold Waves LA. It was a great show of reliving the 90s guitar industrial metal and seeing bands I didn’t get to see back in the day. Hell, PIG even played “Juke Joint Jezebel” which I guess you could call a KMFDM cover even though Raymond Watts was the original featured vocalist.
As I cursed my aching 47-year old feet and back standing for hours at the Pacific Electric, I did think back to that argument 30 years ago and wonder what other climatic moments the people around me had. What traumas are the guy next to me exorcising as he is screaming out the lyrics very much off key?
Around 1 am they finished the set with “Save Yourself,” and the house lights turned up. Sure, I’m still carrying all of that baggage, but at least I got to shake my ass a little and enjoy myself a little, pain be damned.
The only reason I really look forward to my birthday is that I get time off from work and that I usually rent an Airbnb out in the middle of the desert in the Joshua Tree vicinity with a pool, hot tub, and no one around for 5 acres. So here I am in Landers (or a bit away from it really) whose claim to fame was that it was the epicenter of a 7.3 earthquake in 1992 just hours before a separate 6.5 earthquake centered in Big Bear hit on a Sunday morning. Wild stuff.
I arrived here yesterday, and on the way had to stop to get gas. Since this stupid fucking illegal war with Iran has driven gas prices sky high again, I’ve mostly been back on public transit again because, fuck that. There I was at the Arco station jaw agape as the $30 went to $40 and on up until it landed at $72 for 13 gallons of gas. Yes, the “cheap” gas.
I’m going to be spending most of the time in or around the pool trying to finish Schattenfroh by Michael Lentz. I’m at around page 604, so I have about 400 more pages to go. I’ll be honest — I have no fucking clue what’s going on in the book. It’s a slow, slow read and demands your attention but not in a painstaking way. It’s a very enjoyable read, but I honestly don’t know how we get from one part to the next. Instead of trying to make sense of it, I’m just riding the wave, going where it’s taking me and try to make sense of it later.
I’ve started working on a couple of things with myself and hope to get better at as I begin my 48th year on this planet: I have started to journal more. It’s the most mundane scatterbrained thing. I hope it doesn’t cause someone’s head to explode when they go through my journals after I’m dead. (How cute. I think I have any importance that people will actually read what I write rather than just dispose it like they should.)
I need to curb my YouTube addiction. I don’t watch tv shows. I don’t watch sports all that much. I don’t use TikTok. I only doomscroll through Facebook at 3 am after I have woken up to take a piss. I am no longer perpetually online. But I will sit down and waste hours upon hours watching YouTube videos. I really need to get that in check.
That’s all I’ve got. Overall, I’m not happy, but I’m not completely depressed. Let’s just call it nonplussed. For someone who feels like a stranger in his own country, I guess that’s about as good as we can hope for.