1) Using band names, spell out your first name:
Joy Division
Antioch Arrow
Milemarker
Erase Errata
Sonic Youth
2) Have you ever had a song written about you? No.
3) What song makes you cry? None
4) What song makes you happy? “Ghettomusick” by OutKast among others
5) What do you like to listen to before bed? Depends what mood I’m in. Usually Unwound.
6) Name a song by Coal Chamber: Moo!
7) Who was/were your idol/s when you were younger? Madonna
8) First album you ever bought? True Blue by Madonna
9) Name a song that reminds you of someone and why: “Raspberry Beret” by Prince reminds me of one of my coworkers. Hehehhee. That should be self-explanatory.
a p p e a r a n c e
HEIGHT: 6′-ish
HAIR COLOR: Black with lots of grey
SKIN COLOR: Pasty and yellow
EYE COLOR: Hazel-brown
PIERCINGS: 0
TATTOOS: 0
r i g h t n o w
WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: A pair of Old Navy Jeans
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: My butt!
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?: Cigarettes
WHAT’S THE WEATHER LIKE?: Sunny and warm.
HOW ARE YOU? Overworked
d o y o u
GET MOTION SICKNESS?: Yes.
HAVE A BAD HABIT?: Smoking.
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: Yes.
LIKE TO DRIVE?: Usually I do when it doesn’t involve the 405 Freeway.
f a v o r i t e s
TV SHOW: The Simpsons, Gilmore Girls and NFL games.
CONDITIONER: Herbal Essences for Dry or Color Treated Hair
BOOK: Too much to pick just one..
MAGAZINE: Nothing for the moment, although I do like perusing through Harpers
NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Tea and coffee.
ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Bombay Sapphire and tonic.
THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: Read, drink coffee and go to restaurants.
BAND OR GROUP or SINGER or RAPPER: I really like Unwound. Really.
h a v e y o u
BROKEN THE LAW: Yup.
RAN AWAY FROM HOME: I got kicked out of the house once.
SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: Nope.
EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING: Yes.
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: Yes.
EVER TIPPED OVER A PORTA POTTY: No.
USED YOUR PARENTS’ CREDIT CARD BEFORE: Yes, but with their permission.
SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: Of course!
FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: No.
BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY: No.
LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER: Yes.
l o v e
BOYFRIEND: None.
GIRLFRIEND: None.
SEXUALITY: You should know by now.
CHILDREN: One would be nice.
CURRENT CRUSH: None.
BEEN IN LOVE?: Yes.
HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE: Yes.
BEEN HURT?: Yes.
YOUR GREATEST REGRET: I don’t really have those.
GONE OUT WITH A SOMEONE YOU ONLY KNEW FOR THREE DAYS: Yes.
r a n d o m
DO YOU HAVE A JOB: Yes.
YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW: nkoan‘s CD (I promise to get one out to you dear!!!!)
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: Burnt Sienna
WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?: Being in bed reading a book.
WHO MAKES YOU THE HAPPIEST?: All of my friends.
WHAT’S THE NEXT CD YOU’RE GONNA GET?: I’m trying to find the new Mu album to no avail.
WHO DO YOU CONSIDER GOOD FRIENDS?: They know who they are.
WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?: Read, drink coffee…. Wait. Haven’t we done this one already?
w h e n / w h a t w a s t h e l a s t
TIME YOU CRIED?: When Greg died.
YOU GOT A REAL LETTER?: Shit.
YOU GOT E-MAIL: 15 minutes ago. I guess people have stopped bothering me.
THING YOU PURCHASED: Lunch.
TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED: Rerun of the Simpsons.
MOVIE YOU SAW AT THE THEATER: Bad Santa at the Bridge. Damn that was a mistake.
y o u r t h o u g h t s o n
ABORTION: It’s ultimately a woman’s choice.
TEENAGE SMOKING: Bad bad bad. That’s how I started.
SPICE GIRLS: That is soooooo 1997.
DREAMS: I get some really wacky ones. Ha!
Fuck I need a life.
The only reason I really look forward to my birthday is that I get time off from work and that I usually rent an Airbnb out in the middle of the desert in the Joshua Tree vicinity with a pool, hot tub, and no one around for 5 acres. So here I am in Landers (or a bit away from it really) whose claim to fame was that it was the epicenter of a 7.3 earthquake in 1992 just hours before a separate 6.5 earthquake centered in Big Bear hit on a Sunday morning. Wild stuff.
I arrived here yesterday, and on the way had to stop to get gas. Since this stupid fucking illegal war with Iran has driven gas prices sky high again, I’ve mostly been back on public transit again because, fuck that. There I was at the Arco station jaw agape as the $30 went to $40 and on up until it landed at $72 for 13 gallons of gas. Yes, the “cheap” gas.
I’m going to be spending most of the time in or around the pool trying to finish Schattenfroh by Michael Lentz. I’m at around page 604, so I have about 400 more pages to go. I’ll be honest — I have no fucking clue what’s going on in the book. It’s a slow, slow read and demands your attention but not in a painstaking way. It’s a very enjoyable read, but I honestly don’t know how we get from one part to the next. Instead of trying to make sense of it, I’m just riding the wave, going where it’s taking me and try to make sense of it later.
I’ve started working on a couple of things with myself and hope to get better at as I begin my 48th year on this planet: I have started to journal more. It’s the most mundane scatterbrained thing. I hope it doesn’t cause someone’s head to explode when they go through my journals after I’m dead. (How cute. I think I have any importance that people will actually read what I write rather than just dispose it like they should.)
I need to curb my YouTube addiction. I don’t watch tv shows. I don’t watch sports all that much. I don’t use TikTok. I only doomscroll through Facebook at 3 am after I have woken up to take a piss. I am no longer perpetually online. But I will sit down and waste hours upon hours watching YouTube videos. I really need to get that in check.
That’s all I’ve got. Overall, I’m not happy, but I’m not completely depressed. Let’s just call it nonplussed. For someone who feels like a stranger in his own country, I guess that’s about as good as we can hope for.
Occasionally, after reading certain books, when his disgust for daily life became particularly marked, he longed for the lenitive hours immersed in a cloister…
There is just a clause in the above sentence in the first chapter for J.-K. Huysman’s The Damned (Là-Bas) that really stuck out to me: “when his disgust for daily life became particularly marked.”
I had to go back to work today after two weeks off. The first week I did a road trip that culminated in being in a cabin for two days in Choteau, Montana that had a hot tub. It was nice to sit in the hot jets while it was 18F (-8C) outside. Then I meandered my way home before just doing nothing for the second week. Just sitting with my cats, sleep, and tell myself I was going to mop my floors before doing none of that.
After these weeks of doing a whole bunch of nothing, to my horror it was time to go back to work. The dread of walking into my office which I liken to a monkey cage at the zoo, plugging in my laptop and opening Outlook. Emails filled with complaints. That was the dread that was inside of me.
So I get it when Huysman’s protagonist Durtal has a “disgust for daily life.” It’s certainly reassuring that not a lot has changed over the last 130 or so years.