Rough Sex

Is it just me or is a good balls-out psychotic fucked up fuck the ultimate in fulfillment? I’m not talking about sleeping with psychos. I categorize that with sky surfing, getting into a high-speed chase with the LAPD and stepping into any club in WeHo. My delicate disposition just can’t handle anything so nerve-wracking. But there’s something to be said about having sex with a guy while clawing and scratching. Knowing that the shiner you gave him last night matches the deep bite mark on your shoulder is, in the words of the venerable Paris Hilton, hot. Having said this, it makes me a little isolated in this world. I’ve tried to seek this while I was living in Santa Barbara. I remember this one guy I dated briefly which sort of encapsulates my forays into a play pal. Let’s call him “Issues”. Issues had this energy about him that made me want to bash his skull in. Each time we kissed I envisioned us in bed tearing each other apart until all that was left was two bloody masses surrounded by the crime scene detectives. In a word, he got me hard. One night when I was over at his place I started to get a little physical. It was nothing more than simply tweaking his nipple and gently clawing at his arms. He tried to shield himself from me, which was a natural sign to me that he wanted to play. I had my hands on his chest digging my fingernails in. As I was kissing him, I gradually descended to where his should and neck met. I bit him hard. He yelped a high-pitched, 8-year old girl scream and shoves me off the bed. “What the fuck are you doing?!” Suffice it to say I was a little too “unstable” for his taste. That’s what I discerned as he was yelling at me while shoving me out of the door. At least I didn’t get a restraining order slapped on me. After a couple more unsuccessful attempts, I started to feel a little cheated. Didn’t boys like to wrestle and play rough? I didn’t understand. Soon enough, however, I got over it and repressed that urge. Then there was that one night at the smell. Amps for Christ and the Mae Shi were playing. During Amps for Christ’s set, this girl and boy started going at it right in front of the band. They were complete animals: wrestling on the ground, spitting on each other and ripping each other’s flesh. Even though she was a complete crusty and he was a blah, that scene was fucking hot. Eventually they made their way out to the alley and fucked throughout the night serenaded by the cacophony of the bands and the smell of the crackheads. Some people might think I’m into that S&M shit. But I’m not really into the domination/submission culture: that’s so passé. My attention span is quite short, and I cannot stand to be stuck in one position (as it were) for very long. All I want to do is get physical and play rough.