Professional Widow

I’ve decided that I’m too dependent on sports radio for my own good. So I rotated the CDs in my carrying case last night in an effort to listen to music in the car. Like how I used to do a year ago. I popped in Tori Amos’ Boys for Pele this morning. Back in the late 90s, this was my favorite album. Primal and raw was how I described it. Actually I still describe it that way. Tori’s vocal range expanded on this album, and the sounds are flat out brutal. While her previous work was quite feminine, this one is all out testosterone. In my first year of college in 1997, I took acid for the first time. Actually it was the first “drug” I really did; I haven’t even had pot before that. While it was a great experience, listening to BfP during the trip really enhanced it. My consciousness and body expanded taking in everything. I saw blood dripping down my walls. I felt my body morphing into a werewolf. I died. A year later I met Greg. He was the closest to a soulmate I’ve ever had. We were both recovering goths, came out in high school (though he much earlier than I) and quite loud and abrasive. Of course this just meant we were completely incompatible! But he was as big, if not bigger, Tori fan than I was. We had many a bonding night listening to her songs and what not. In February 2001, he suddenly died while in a dress rehearsal for a play (I forget which). He suddenly collapsed on cue to when he was supposed to in the script. He never got up. It turns out he had a congenital heart defect that was undiagnosed. It absolutely crushed me. And with his death, I couldn’t really listen to Tori all that much anymore. It hurt too much. Almost four years later, I still tear up whenever I think about him. So putting in BfP this morning brought back all of these memories of him. It’s probably the first time where it didn’t hurt. I guess there was something more significant that I was supposed to gain from this, but since I’ve been writing this post in bits and pieces over the last four hours I’ve completely forgotten. On a much lighter note, if you want to hear about the bizarre love sex triangle between Macauley Culkin, Simon Rex, Nick Carter, Paris Hilton and some bit actor on the East Coast, go here (courtesy of Popbytes.com via Defamer).