I have always loved Thanksgiving. It’s a time when families come together and get things out in the open. As each bite of turkey goes down everyone’s gullet, the dementia starts to set in. Everyone starts talking and taking a stab at each other. At least, that’s the way it is with my family.

True, it should be a time when we are thankful for things, but for my family, the ability to yell and insult each other is the way we give thanks (ie we are thankful that we CAN insult each other). We have never been the family to make a spectacle of graciousness. If we have something to say, dammit we’re going to say it. (The surprising thing about all of this is that we are not drunk when this happens.)

I don’t know what happens at Christmas time because then this false facade of happiness rears its ugly head. I can swear it’s those fucking presents. Nevertheless, Christmas is always a letdown because there are no insults. It’s tamer than a fucking baby.

So I’m looking forward to Thursday. Let the games begin!