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I Think I’m Sick

I must be sick. There is no other explanation. I was watching the news this afternoon and caught the following report:

So here is a sickening thing, a pubic marriage proposal. I’ve seen billions of these from my time watching live sports events. It’s stupid, cynical and releases a huge photon of bile into my system.

But there I was watching this report and thought, “Wow, I’d like someone to do that for me.” What? What is this parasite in my brain that has taken hostage of my normally sickening response to these things? Are you fucking kidding me. “I’d like someone to do that for me?!!!!!” Really?!!!!

I don’t know what’s wrong, folks. Since I refuse to point fingers at myself, I will blame that bitch Jane Austen.