Last night I was helping The Grandmother from the bathroom, and I didn’t want her to notice the stupid tears in my eyes. Yesterday was a bad day, and she was in quite a bit of pain. So that was good — I wouldn’t have to tell her that I was broken up by a singer dying.
I would have had to explain it to her that way because she wouldn’t understand who David Bowie is, what he means for culture, the barriers he broke and all that. Hell, I didn’t expect to be this broken up about it. I never met him, and while I loved his music I never was a crazed fan like I was with Nirvana and Nine Inch Nails.
But there I was tearing up last night as KCRW was playing Ziggy Stardust in its entirety. And today at every mention of his name, the tears would start up again.
I don’t have a favorite Bowie song. Life on Mars. Space Oddity. Suffragette City. 5 Years. Rock n Roll Suicide. Heroes. Rebel Rebel. But I chose to highlight “I’m Deranged” here because not a lot of people have done so. Released on 1995’s Outside, it was played in the credits of Lost Highway. It was when David Bowie flirted with NIN, and it the David Bowie era that I am closest to since I lived through it.
I never imagined he would ever die. But here it is, I suppose.