Stanford

CFB Rankings: Grading the Non-BCS Bowls

Stanford

(Michael Arellano/ Daily Emerald)

Since September I have been riveted to the television watching college football games. Just one fuck up can cost a team a chance at a national championship. From 9 am to midnight out here on the west coast, there’s nothing but football.

Who are we kidding? Almost all of these games minus the Cotton Bowl are shitty. ESPN owns a lot of these games, so they are desperate for people to watch them.

Below is my preview of all of the non-BCS bowl games. Have fun.

Date Bowl Game Site Teams Grade Comments
Dec. 21 Gildan New Mexico Bowl University Stadium
Albuquerque, NM
Colorado State Rams (7-6)
Washington State Cougars (6-6)
F The first bowl portends to the boredom soon to ensue.
Dec. 21 Royal Purple Las Vegas Bowl Sam Boyd Stadium
Las Vegas, NV
Fresno State Bulldogs (11-1)
USC Trojans (9-3)
C If I wasn’t in LA, I would probably grade this game lower. Fresno State’s loss to San Jose State cost them a BCS bowl berth, and USC is on their second interim head coach. This could be real good, or it could be the worst.
Dec. 21 Famous Idaho Potato Bowl Bronco Stadium
Boise, ID
Buffalo Bulls (8-4)
San Diego State Aztecs (7-5)
F The only reason to tune into this game is to see the players freeze to death on the famous “Smurf Turf”.
Dec. 21 R+L Carriers News Orleans Bowl Superdome
New Orleans, LA
Tulane Green Wave (7-5)
Louisiana-Lafayette Ragin’ Cajuns (8-4)
F I can’t think of a better thing to do on a Saturday night than watch two Louisiana teams play in a half empty stadium.
Dec. 23 Beef ‘O’ Brady’s Bowl Tropicana Field
St. Petersburg, FL
Ohio Bobcats (7-5)
East Carolina Pirates (9-3)
F Let’s watch football in a baseball stadium! Beware of stray bullets.
Dec. 24 Sheraton Hawaii Bowl Aloha Stadium
Honolulu, HI
Oregon State Beavers (6-6)
Boise State Broncos (8-4)
F The coaches wear Hawaiian shirts with leis. Apostrophes will be everywhere.
Dec. 26 Little Caesars Pizza Bowl Ford Field
Detroit, MI
Bowling Green Falcons (10-3)
Pittsburgh Panthers (6-6)
F Of course the team that cost their conference millions of dollars for beating Northern Illinois gets banished to Detroit.
Dec. 26 SD County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl Qualcomm Stadium
San Diego, CA
North Illinois Huskies (12-1)
Utah State Aggies (8-5)
F Hopefully I’m so drunk to the point of incoherence.
Dec. 27 Military Bowl Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium
Annapolis, MD
Marshall Thundering Herd (9-4)
Maryland Terrapins (7-5)
F I wonder how many ways ESPN will try and make us care about this?
Dec. 27 Texas Bowl Reliant Stadium
Houston, TX
Syracuse Orange (6-6)
Minnesota Golden Gophers (8-4)
F Great. A bunch of sports media folks will be the only ones to give two shits about this one.
Dec. 27 Fight Hunger Bowl AT&T Park
San Francisco, CA
BYU Cougars (8-4)
Washington Huskies (8-4)
F Of all the places to play a football game, a place that was designed without football in mind? Of course this would take place in San Francisco.
Dec. 28 New Era Pinstripe Bowl Yankee Stadium
Bronx, NY
Rutgers Scarlet Knights (6-6)
Notre Dame Fighting Irish (8-4)
F For once the booing won’t be reserved for Alex Rodriguez.
Dec. 28 Belk Bowl BofA Stadium
Charlotte, NC
Cincinnati Bearcats (9-3)
North Carolina Tarheels (6-6)
F What the fuck is a Belk?
Dec. 28 Russell Athletic Bowl Florida Citrus Bowl Stadium
Orlando, FL
Louisville Cardinals (11-1)
Miami Hurricanes (9-3)
D I guess for a bowl game this might have something compelling. Hopefully no one is jailed before the game.
Dec. 28 Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl Sun Devil Stadium
Tempe, AZ
Michigan Wolverines (7-5)
Kansas State Wildcats (7-5)
F Get ready for Jason Whitlock to tweet about this game. Unfollow him now!
Dec. 30 Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl Amon G. Carter Stadium
Fort Worth, TX
Middle Tennessee Blue Raiders (8-4)
Navy Midshipmen (8-4)
F Some team I’ve never heard of and a triple option offense. Does anyone have heroin?
Dec. 30 Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl LP Field
Nashville, TN
Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (7-5)
Ole Miss Rebels (7-5)
F Are you kidding me with this shit?
Dec. 30 Valero Alamo Bowl Alamodome
San Antonio, TX
Texas Longhorns (8-4)
Oregon Ducks (10-2)
D A team with no coach, and a team that has no interest in the game.
Dec. 30 National University Holiday Bowl Qualcomm Stadium
San Diego, CA
Texas Tech Red Raiders (7-5)
Arizona State Sun Devils (10-3)
F What the fuck is National University? By the way, Kliff Kingsbury, the head coach of Tech, is younger than me. And he’s a little hot. For a coach, that is.
Dec. 31 Advocare V100 Bowl Independence Stadium
Shreveport, LA
Boston College Eagles (7-5)
Arizona Wildcats (7-5)
F Shreveport is a shithole.
Dec. 31 Hyundai Sun Bowl Sun Bowl Stadium
El Paso, TX
Virginia Tech Hokies (8-4)
UCLA Bruins (9-3)
D Virginia Tech is shitty, and no one knows which Bruins team will show up. Also, El Paso is a shithole.
Dec. 31 AutoZone Liberty Bowl Liberty Bowl Memorial Stadium
Memphis, TN
Mississippi State Bulldogs (6-6)
Rice Owls (10-3)
F No.
Dec. 31 Chik-Fil-A Peach Bowl Georgia Dome
Atlanta, GA
Duke Blue Devils (10-3)
Texas A&M Aggies (8-4)
D Duke is cute, but they’re still shitty.
Jan. 1 TaxSlayer.com Gator Bowl EverBank Field
Jacksonville, FL
Georgia Bulldogs (8-4)
Nebraska Cornhuskers (8-4)
D A duel between two disappointing teams. Hopefully I’m still asleep for this one.
Jan. 1 Heart of Texas Bowl Cotton Bowl
Dallas, TX
UNLV Rebels (7-5)
North Texas Mean Green (8-4)
D At least North Texas gets to escape the fracking on their campus.
Jan. 1 Capital One Bowl Florida Citrus Bowl Stadium
Orlando, FL
South Carolina Gamecocks (10-2)
Wisconsin Badgers (9-3)
D Really?
Jan. 1 Outback Bowl Raymond James Stadium
Tampa, FL
LSU Tigers (9-3)
Iowa Hawkeyes (8-4)
D If I’m awake, I might check this out.
Jan. 3 AT&T Cotton Bowl Classic AT&T Stadium
Arlington, TX
Missouri Tigers (11-2)
Oklahoma State Cowboys (10-2)
A Finally! A game to get excited about. And for the second straight year, it’s a duel between former Big 12 rivals.
Jan. 4 BBVA Compass Bowl Legion Field
Birmingham, AL
Vanderbilt Commodores (8-4)
Houston Cougars (8-4)
F We call this filler until the BCS Championship Game.
Jan. 5 GoDaddy Bowl Ladd Peebles Stadium
Mobile, AL
Ball State Cardinals (10-2)
Arkansas State Red Wolves (8-5)
F I should be dead by this game.