What Makes a Man?

(AP Photo/Wilfredo Lee)

(AP Photo/Wilfredo Lee)

The whole Miami Dolphins mess brings up a question: what makes a man?

The report from the Sun Sentinel last night that the Dolphins coaching staff asked Richie Incognito to toughen up Jonathan Martin brings up that ever elusive question on masculinity.

Does being obese and wearing skin tight pants once a week make you a man?

Does leaving a voicemail that you are going to shit in someone’s mouth make you a man?

Does sticking your dick into a vagina make you a man?

Does loving to have penises put in your mouth and asshole make you a man?

Does sticking your fist into someone’s face make you a man?

I don’t know what the standards for masculinity are. I hated the standards I was taught growing up: to just keep quiet, to walk with your chest puffed out, to just blend into the background. I’m loud, vulgar, bitch a lot and sort of swish around.

I’d like to think myself as a tough son of a bitch. The only real problem I had with gay bashing came in college, and that ended with my so-called “basher” on the ground after I kneed him in the chest. When someone gives me shit, I dish it right back.

As a sports fan, I get that these athletes perform amazing feats in each game that I could not imagine to do. That’s why athletes are looked up to.

But judging how many of them hit women, rape, murder and are all-around odious examples of humanity, should athletes be the basis of how we live our lives?

I’ll just say that when I have someone’s dick in my mouth or asshole (or maybe two different dicks in the orifices at the same time!), I’m certainly not thinking about some stupid football player. Unless, that is, it is a football player who is fucking me.