Toddler Wipes

Butt Wipes

Toddler Wipes

Target.com

John Cook at Defamer railed against adults using butt wipes today. For him toilet paper is for adults, and butt wipes are for kids.

Fuck him.

I’m an adult and a proud user of butt wipes. Now I don’t use the premium brand from the Dollar Shave company that sells a box of 40 for $4.00. That’s just insane. I use the above pictured Target-brand toddler wipes because, most importantly, they are flushable. Also a box of 432 wipes costs $13.

I have to say they make clean up so much faster. I use one toilet paper wipe, one toddler wipe and one last toilet paper wipe to dry everything up. Boom boom done.

I don’t know what kind of skidmarks Cook has in his drawers, but as a homosexual man if I happen to be walking around and a guy wants to poke me in the bum, nothing is more of a willy-shrinker than flecks of fecal matter.

Actually, who am I kidding. Ain’t no one going to wanna poke me if they see me on the streets. But one can never be too prepared, right? Will the Boy Scouts now give out a badge for that? On second thought I should probably carry around a portable anal douche contraption. Hm.